Can you trust your self-doubt?
January 16, 2023
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January 16, 2023
I have been part of a men’s group called “And then what?”, run by Yaron Engler, for 3+ years. We meet regularly every other week for 2 hours. It’s been one of the most loving and supportive space I have ever been part of.
One of our agreements is to speak truthfully, to each other and also to ourselves.
As part of putting this agreement into action, we regularly engage in what we call “invisible man”. Invisible man allows a man to sit in the “hot seat”, share what he is currently struggling with and then explains his thinking and emotions to the group.
Then, that man turns off his camera and becomes a fly on the wall while the rest of the group shares, discusses and gives feedback as if that man was not present.
The wisdom and truth that emerges from such conversations is astounding and one of the most impactful aspects of the men’s group.
One time being in the hot seat, I shared my self-doubts, the stories around it and how I was trying to deal with a situation which at the time was quite challenging.
The other men discussed at arrived at the topic of trust. Specifically, the trust they felt I had, or didn’t have, in myself.
Trust in self.
Then, one man added this: “If Christof were here, I would ask him if he could trust the part in himself that sees and experiences his self-doubt? Can he trust that?”
As the invisible man, I don’t get to interact but the answer in my head was a resounding Yes.
Yes, I indeed could trust that part.
It’s a subtle and seemingly inconsequential distinction, yet it started to make all the difference in dealing with moments of self-doubt from then on. It created a distance between myself and the self-doubt, reminding me clearly that they are not the same. This in turn allowed for more freedom, more empathy but also the courage to take action despite the doubt.
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